You want to move forward, but you are spending way too much time beating yourself up about what you were supposed to do to get there; what you shouldn’t have done; and what you should have done instead.
And where are all of these supposed to, should and shouldn’t have’s getting you? Absolutely nowhere. Or more accurately, this approach of focusing on what you think you should have done is adding so much extra weight to you that it is pushing you down and holding you further back from where you actually want to be. Whether you are making an effort to get ahead and succeed in your life, health, career, or your relationships, spending time thinking about and beating yourself up about all of the things you are not doing or have not done “right” will leave you stuck, and swirling around in the same place.
How can you get out of this cycle?
By letting go of all your “shoulds and should nots” and focusing on what you will do next.
Here are 3 steps you can take to help you get out of the “should/should not have” cycle and onto the path that will get you to the place you want to be.
Step 1: Own it. You committed to doing something and you did not end up following through. Okay. Be honest and real with yourself and state exactly what happened. Say it out loud or write it down and leave it at that. Do not judge it or put any blame on it. It happened. Own it.
Step 2: Ask “Now What?” After taking that first step of owning what happened and stating what it was, ask yourself “Now what?” What did you learn? What do you want for yourself? What is your goal (for yourself, your career/job, or your relationship? What are your choices? What is in your control? What are the things that you can and will do? Here, too, be honest with yourself about what you know that you are capable of and willing to do. You will have more success following through when what you have committed to is something that is real, relevant, and doable for you.
Step 3: Take Action. Now that you are clear on what is in your control and have made decisions about how you want to move forward, take action, and do it. Taking action will help you quiet your mind and get you putting one foot in front of the other.
If you find yourself getting stuck again, after having gone through steps 1 – 3, check in with yourself about whether or not the goals you have chosen for yourself are real and relevant for you (and not something you think you should want or be doing for yourself.)
(As you might have gleaned from this article and others like it, I am not a big fan of the word should.)
Read more about how to get over self-doubt and start moving forward, here.
As always, be in touch with any questions or comments. You can reach me anytime Here.
In support and admiration,
Why Be Yourself? | Jenny Sassoon
[…] either comparing yourself to others (and their success) or you are fighting with yourself about who you think you should be. I call this approach (of comparing ourselves to others or who we think we should be instead) an […]