My story with transition has to do with the period in my life when I was moving away from identifying myself as a victim (or even survivor) of abuse and learning how to live my life and have the amazing life I wanted to have, without that story.
For so long I struggled with moving forward and moving on from the abuse. More than anything I wanted to be happy, to have healthy, loving, real, honest and meaningful relationships, and to be successful in my career.
But it was hard to let go.
It was difficult to fully let go of the anger and pain I was carrying for so many years of my life.
In my early twenties, as I was embarking on my career and dating seriously for marriage, I moved forward with the knowledge that others thought I was amazing. I figured that if the special people in my life that I respected felt that I was wonderful, then I must be.
But deep down inside I felt damaged and flawed. I kept moving forward, but at the same time I constantly doubted myself and wondered if I will ever reach my full potential.
In what feels like a miracle, I married a wonderful man and we started to build our family.
It was during this particular transition to my new role as a parent that I was motivated to go to therapy and receive my own support.
I was encouraged in therapy to be angry and to talk about my experience with abuse until I was sick of talking about it. While my feelings were validated, I surrendered to the idea that I will just have to live the way I have been – in the land of blame, anger and pain – for the rest of my life.
That all changed once I learned, what I consider to be, foundational life tools and skills to help me finally move past my self-doubt, feelings of anger and blame, and take full responsibility for my life. These are not skills and tools that are taught in school. Learning and incorporating these tools into my own life, literally changed my life.
I let go of my anger, pain, and blame. I became a better and more proactive wife, mother, daughter and friend. I became more clear, confident, and directed. I gained belief in myself and in my capability to fulfill my personal and professional dreams.
I finally made the transition from victim/survivor, and a person who lives her life feeling anger and blame, to who I really am: an amazing person with a purpose to share my many gifts, talents, and strengths with my family, my clients, and the world. I am clear about who I am and what my vision and mission is. I focus on that every single day and live my life accordingly.
I am my own first client. I love, live by, and am incredibly humbled by what I do. I have a thirst for learning and improving my skill-set. [Click here to read about my professional training and experience.] I invest in my personal and professional growth on a regular basis so that I can continue to thrive in my own life and provide my clients with quality, professional, up-to-date tools and services.
If you’d like to see me in action
I shared my approach at a TEDx talk I was honored and humbled to give.
I talked about why it’s important to define yourself by WHO you are, as opposed to defining yourself by what you are (i.e. your experiences, both positive and negative.) You can view that talk in the video .
Perhaps the message I share will inspire you to shift the way you think of and define yourself from someone who feels powerless, unsure and limited, to someone who is powerful, confident and capable of achieving your goals and dreams.