Are you wondering whether or not all of your emotional needs should be met by your one loving partner?
If so, your question is a good one.
There is the feeling or expectation that once we are in an intimate relationship with that special someone, that someone (or that relationship) will fill all of our needs. After all, if they are the ‘right’ special someone, that is what should happen, right?
It is unfair to assume or expect that one person alone can fulfill all of our emotional needs. It puts an awful amount of pressure on that person, and is unrealistic. We want our partners to support us, to be available for us, to listen to us, and to give to us (and it is our responsibility to let them know how and when we would like them to do so), but it may be too much for us to expect that all of our emotional needs be met by one person alone. And your partner may not be able to meet ALL of your emotional needs. Does that then mean that you must forgo that relationship? Or is it possible for you to find other ways to get your emotional needs met?
When I was engaged I received fantastic advice from a mentor of mine. Although I was getting married and starting a new life with my new partner, this mentor strongly encouraged me to keep my friends. She said that “many people think that once you get married or get into a very serious relationship with someone, you no longer require your friends. And the opposite is actually true. It is during this time when you are in a serious relationship, that you will want the support of your friends the most. You might not hang out with them as much, but you will require their support at certain times, so hold them close. Don’t burn any bridges.”
One of the signs of a healthy and well-balanced, intimate relationship is when each partner takes responsibility to both fill his/her partner’s emotional needs, and get his/her own personal emotional needs met, as well. Knowing (or asking) what your partner is capable of giving to you and knowing what emotional support each of your friends or other persons you are close with in your life allows you to be proactive in getting your needs met instead of being passive and feeling frustrated when your partner is not fulfilling all of your emotional needs.
Today’s takeaway for helping you build and maintain healthy and successful relationships?
Be proactive. Know what your needs are and take responsibility to let others know what it is that you require. Think of the people in your life that you can go to to get the support that you require, be it your intimate partner, or your family members or friends.
Be in touch with any questions or comments anytime. You can reach me here.
Have an amazing week!
In support and admiration,