Without realizing it, we tend to define ourselves and others not by who we are, but rather by what we are. This ‘what’ is our ‘mask.’
We allow for our clothes, our status, the type of people we socialize with, or the academic degree or the job that we have to define who we are. In my personal and professional experience, this is what leaves so many of us feeling confused, stuck, and disconnected from ourselves and others. In order to remedy this, we must change our perspective.
Instead of focusing on defining others and yourself by ‘what’ you are; shift your focus and define yourself by ‘who’ you are. Who you are includes your qualities, beliefs, and values. These are things about you that you were born with and/or learned about yourself based on your life, career, or relationship experiences. Focusing on who you are will give you a better sense of the real you and help you reconnect with your own inner voice and unique way in which you approach your life and all that you do.
Do the same with others. What usually trips us up in our relationships is that we are mainly focusing on WHAT our partners are doing (or not doing) and NOT on WHO they are. If and when you are feeling disconnected from someone in your life, one sure way of rebuilding connection with that person (be it a friend, significant other, or relative) is to take the time to think about WHO they really are. Make a list of the qualities and values that you notice, admire and appreciate about them. Focus on these and even point them out to your loved one. Notice how this re-focus is impacting how you view them and your relationship with them.
As always, if you have any questions or comments, please be in touch anytime.
In support and in awe of all that you are,