Someone I know called me recently to tell me that the majority of her income had just been slashed by 80%! She was in a state of shock and about to go into crisis. I stayed on the phone with her, listened and offered whatever support I could.
What I noticed when she was speaking was that what felt stressful to her even more than the reality of her situation was that she was fighting with reality.
She could not believe this was happening.
She would not accept that certain powers that be were doing this to her and her family.
She could not understand how something like this could actually be happening to her.
“Susan (name has been changed to protect her identity),” I said with care, “you are fighting with reality.”
“When you (or any of us) say things like ‘it shouldn’t be! ‘how can it be?!’ or ‘I can’t believe this is actually happening!’ you are torturing yourself.
The most productive and effective way forward is for you to first accept what is.”
At first Susan protested (we all do this in an effort to stay sane and fight for what we believe to be true, right and good), but then Susan understood.
“You’re right,” she said “it feels more stressful to me when I think the thought, or believe, that this should not be happening, that things should not be this way, or that other people should not do what they are doing to us. That is what makes this so much more difficult than it already is.”
I shared with Susan the following:
“The sooner we accept what is, the sooner we are on the road to healing and to moving forward in a healthy, confident and powerful way.”
I know this not only because I have learned this, but because I have applied this in my own life.
For those of you who know my story you know that when I was a young girl I was abused by someone close to me and my family. When I was a teenager dealing with the trauma of what I had experienced as a young girl I was devastated. I thought that I was damaged or that in some way this was all my fault. I was angry; so, so angry….at my abuser, my parents, the whole world! I remember thinking to myself, ‘this shouldn’t be! This shouldn’t have happened! Why did this happen to me?!’ And I was right. Of course it is right to believe that these things should not happen, but the reality of it is that it did happen. Once I recognized and accepted this, I opened the door to my healing, to moving forward powerfully in my life, to living in peace and joy, and to no longer being haunted or tortured by the trauma of my experience.
I don’t feel angry anymore.
I have stopped blaming.
I have stopped complaining and allowing certain experiences, whether it is something huge like abuse or smaller like making a regular everyday mistake, define me.
In accepting what is I have freed myself to deal with what is with strength, clarity, focus and determination.
Accepting what is does not mean to deny what is, or to pretend that everything is okay.
Accepting what is means to meet and look at ‘what is’ with our eyes wide open and to actually see the situation for what it is without the extra baggage of what we feel should not be.
When we accept what is we peel away that extra layer of baggage which can make our situation feel so much heavier and so much more painful. When we accept what is we make the load we are carrying feel lighter. With this acceptance of reality we are able to create a plan of action for moving forward and execute that plan with confidence, focus and determination. We can get ourselves unstuck and out of the prison we might feel we are in and push forward and be free.
Depending on your situation, accepting what is can be a difficult thing to do. I recommend that you get the support that you require from close friends, family, professionals or groups who respect you and who will listen to you and guide you from a place of non-judgement, honesty, and belief in you.
If you feel that you would like for me to be that person for you, reach out and schedule your complimentary consultation. It would be my honor to support and guide you.
Wishing you strength and courage on your journey forward and a wonderful weekend and week ahead!
In support and admiration,