I have found that whenever we are experiencing something challenging, if there is a victim-story that we are still holding onto and haven’t moved past yet, it’ll come creeping up during that challenging time.
This challenge will reinforce our belief that something is wrong with us. Thoughts about feeling unworthy or damaged will start rearing it’s ugly head again. We might even give up altogether and sink ourselves further into despair, thinking that there is absolutely nothing we can do to make our lives or our situation better.
I remember this happening to me shortly after having a miscarriage early on in my marriage. As much as I had accomplished in my career and in my personal life up to that point, having the miscarriage triggered the victim-story I hadn’t even realized was still very much alive in me.
Noticing this, I reached out to one of my mentors who directed me towards getting the help, guidance and support I required (and finally wanted.) Taking this initiative put me on my path to healing and moving past my victim-story.
Anytime you experience a challenge, or during a challenging time such as one we are experiencing now with this pandemic, do you find your victim-story creeping up again? Do you start to feel insecure, doubt yourself, constantly question yourself, hold yourself back, blame yourself or others, react, feel unworthy, or sink into despair?
If so, consider viewing this time as an opportunity for you to recognize that you are still carrying your victim-story around with you. Consider also that if you want to, you can finally move past your victim-story with consistent determination and effort, and the right mindset and skills.
If you are open and ready to move past your victim-story, here are 6 ways you can do so, starting today.
1. Stop identifying as a victim (or even as a survivor).
Take personal responsibility and recognize that you are choosing to define yourself in this way. (I know, it might be a difficult truth to swallow, but by recognizing that you are doing this to yourself, you will finally be on the road to setting yourself free.)
2. Start defining yourself by your qualities.
These are the characteristics and personality traits that are unique to you and truly define who you are.
3. Clarify your values and the way you want to live your life, work, and be in your relationships.
Clarifying your values will serve as your guide and give you direction and instruction for how you can create the life, career and relationships that are fulfilling and right for you.
4. Take action and start living in alignment with your values.
Once you have clarified your values it’s time to take action and live by them. Taking action on living in alignment with your values will fill you with a sense of personal integrity, accomplishment, security, and confidence.
5. Whenever you notice yourself revisiting your victim-story, stop, take personal responsibility and choose to focus on what you want for yourself now.
When you take this pause you can realign with your qualities, values and beliefs that you clarified in ways 3, 4, and 5.
6. Remind yourself every day of who you really are.
Stick a list of your qualities on your bathroom mirror. Look at it and read it over every morning when you wake, and again before you go to bed. Doing this will help keep you plugged in and focused on your strengths and the value that you bring to your relationships and to all that you do.
Victim to Self-Leader Transformational Coaching
If you’d like to take this work further and are ready to do the deep work to finally move past your victim-story and be confident, free, and thrive in your career and relationships, I’ve created a coaching program for you where I guide and support you in your journey. It’s a 1:1 coaching program that I call the Victim to Self-Leader Transformational Coaching Program.
If you are interested in enrolling in this program and working together with me, click here to schedule your complimentary consultation.
In your consultation you’ll have the opportunity to meet me, share with me, and ask me any questions you have.
I hope you have found this email helpful. Feel free to share it with those you think can benefit from learning about these 6 ways to moving past our victim-story and thriving authentically in our life, career, and relationships.
In support and admiration,