There may be things that we do not like about our partners. For example, we may not like the way they communicate their feelings, or they may be in a particular circumstance that upsets us that neither they, nor we, can change.
How do we deal with these types of things in an effective way?
Knowing that we have very little (if any) control over what or how another person does or does not do something, or the circumstance they might be in, what can we do?
Step 1: Accept what is.
Accept the fact that this is who they are or that this is the circumstance that they are in. Let go of the things you know you cannot change, and, at the same time, accept that these things are a reality.
Fighting with reality is stressful. We are more at peace when we accept what is. (You can learn more about this by reading Byron Katie’s book: Loving What Is, which you can find in my resource list, here.)
Step 2: Focus on What Is in Your Control
If you cannot change what is, what can you do?
Use ‘what is’ as information. Accept it. Even say out loud: “Yes, that’s right, my partner is not a good communicator. It really irritates me.” Then ask yourself, “Now what? What, if anything can I or do I want to about it?” In other words, focus on what is in your control.
In your control might include:
- Telling your partner how you feel and what you want.
- Teaching your partner how to communicate with you (and you will have most success with this when you are Being that Which You Would Like to See Happening Around You.) [Click here to read more about that.]
- Not doing anything and moving forward.
- Deciding that this something you are not willing to compromise on and end the relationship.
(Okay, I know I made that sound like one should end a relationship because of bad communication. This is not the case. Communication is something that can be worked on and fixed, especially if both partners are committed to doing so. I mention ending the relationship as an option, because I believe it is important to recognize that we are always choosing. It is also important to note that one can end a relationship even if they choose to continue physically being with their partners. In essence we ‘end’ our relationships by stopping to relate to our partners and when we stop proactively building our relationships…but that is a topic for a whole new blog post.)
These (and others) are all valid choices.
Step 3: Take Action
Once you make your choice, do what it is you have decided to do. Take responsibility to create the change that you seek, either within in you or within your relationship.
As always, if you have any questions or comments, get in touch or fill out the form below.
In support and in awe of all that you are,