If you are in an intimate relationship and want to make sure that your partner is feeling satisfied and loved by you, you need to pay attention to the way that you are giving to him/her.
When I think of a gift to get my partner, or of something nice to do for a good friend, my instinct is to ask myself what is it that I would like from others? I know that I am not alone in this line of thinking as this is a natural and understandable way in which to go about doing something nice for someone one cares about. We naturally think of ourselves and what we, ourselves, would like. This line of thinking may be an outgrowth of a common adage you have probably heard or come across in your life: do unto others as you yourself would like to be done to you.
As I was washing the dishes the other day, I was thinking about what nice thing I can do for a good friend of mine for her birthday. (I do a lot of thinking while I am doing the dishes or cleaning, in general. The cleaning out also helps me to ‘clear out’ my thoughts, I guess.) I asked myself what I would like for myself. As I continued with this train of thought it suddenly occurred to me that I was taking the wrong approach and that my line of thinking was in direct contrast to what I believe and understand about the best way to give in our relationships. [You can read more about that here.]
Thinking about me and about what I want was the wrong way to go about figuring out the best way to bring happiness to my friend, and it is the wrong way for you to go about thinking about how best to make your partner or loved one happy and feel loved. Instead of thinking about me, I needed to be thinking about her, who she is, what she wants, and what she would appreciate.
If you want to make your partner feel good and loved, switch your thinking from you to them. Ask yourself:
Who is my partner (what are his/her qualities or character traits)?
What does s/he like?
What does s/he want?
What has s/he been complaining about that I don’t do enough of?
What has s/he been expressing to me about what s/he would really enjoy?
Sit down, think about these questions, and see what you find. If you are having trouble answering any of these questions, go on a date with your partner and ask them. You can also practice your listening skills [which you can learn more about how to do here] and listen for these answers over the next few weeks to see what you learn.
You can always be in touch with me with any questions about how to do this and what you can do to help your partner feel more loved by you. Either comment below or send me a message to Jenny@unleashingu.com
In support of you building the amazing and happy relationships I know that you are capable of,