There are some relationship concepts, that I call Fundamental Truths of How Relationships Work, that I teach to my clients.
One of these ‘truths’ is that we have no control over what anybody else says, does, or feels. Nor does anyone else have any control over what we say, do or feel. The only thing (or person) we have any control over is ourselves, and ourselves in the present.
[You can read more about these fundamental concepts in the books I share on my top 5 resources for young professionals page, which you can find here.]
As part of this understanding what I like to help my clients understand, and help you understand, as well, is that we are all operating from our own perspectives. What this means is that anything we think someone else might be thinking is really what we are thinking, rather than what they might be or are actually thinking.
Again, whatever you think someone else is thinking is really what you think that they are thinking. It is your thinking, not theirs.
At a young age I remember learning to never assume because when you do you are making an A-S-S out of U-M-E.
The suggestion to Never Assume applies especially to relationships.
Never assume that you know exactly what your partner is thinking. You might have an idea based on your experience with him or her, but you honestly do not know for certain. Your partner is his/her own person with their own qualities, values, thoughts, beliefs and experiences, just as you are. No two people ever experience the same thing in the same exact way. This is another reason to never assume that you know just because you might have experienced the same thing as your partner (or anyone else) has.
How can you know for sure, then, what your partner is thinking or feeling?
It sounds so simple, and yet we so often skip over this simple step and assume. This assuming prompts us to jump in with offering advice that may not be appreciated or wanted.
This assuming can also cause us to react with thoughts that have the potential to run out of control. Assuming we know what another person is thinking or feeling can also prompt us to make choices and take action based on what we think our partner wants; choices that may not even be based on truth.
The most accurate way to get information about what you partner is thinking is to ask him or her directly. This is also the most respectful way to approach your partner, both in your personal and your professional relationships.
Why make an assumption, then, when all you have to do is ask?
[To learn more about how to Make Your Partner Feel Loved & Satisfied, click here.]
In support and admiration for all that you are,
Dedicated to empowering you with the essential tools to thrive in life, love, and work.