Have the goals you have set for yourself seem too daunting and unattainable to you?
Are you so afraid of not reaching the goals you have set for yourself that you procrastinate, distract yourself, find excuses and don’t even attempt to try to achieve them?
This is what may be going on.
One of the things that may be getting in the way of you not moving forward and taking action towards achieving either your personal or professionals goals (or both) is that you are creating goals that are not in your control to achieve.
In an article and video I posted a few weeks back about why to never assume you know what your partner is thinking or feeling (and in many of the articles with tips and tools I share on this site), I make a distinction between what IS and what IS NOT in your control.
What is and what isn’t in your control?
In a nutshell the things that are NOT in your control are those things outside of you. This includes what other people and everything they choose to do or not do, think, and feel. This also includes anything that already happened in the past and anything related to the Universe at large.
What IS in your control are those things that are inside of you. These include your choices, perspective, approach, attitude, feelings, the things that you do. Keep in mind that you only have control over these things in the present. You cannot control (as mentioned above) what choices you already made in the past (and that applies to a second ago), nor can you control what will happen in the future. You are only in control of yourself, and yourself in the present.
How can knowing about what IS in your control help you follow through with your commitments and goals?
Ask yourself if the goals you have created for yourself are goals that are in your control to achieve.
Are the goals that you have chosen for yourself things that you think you should be doing? This ‘should’ sends you the implicit message that something outside of you is exerting the pressure on you to achieve this goal. This ‘should’ has the effect of making you feel as if this goal is out of your control. As human beings we naturally resist control, and applying this ‘should’ makes us feel as if we are being controlled by something (or someone) outside of ourselves. Instead change your language to a phrase that will put you back in control. Say, “I want to” or “I choose to” instead of “I have to” or “I should” or “I need to.” Read more about the impact the language you are using has on you achieving your goals, here.
Create goals that are focused on you and not on others. As mentioned above, you cannot control anyone else but yourself. Be sure to create and choose goals that have to do with you creating a change in YOU. For example, if you are unhappy with the social experience you are having in your work or personal/social environment and that is something you want to see changed, create a goal that involves you doing whatever it is that is in your control to create that which you want to see. If you would like to see people listening to you and to each other better, BE a better listener. If you would like others around you to be respectful, BE respectful of those around you.
[You can read more about BEING the change you wish to see, here.]
To summarize, if you are afraid you will never reach your goals, check in with yourself and see whether or not the goals that you have chosen are goals that are within your control to accomplish. Also think about and then create goals that are in line with what IS in your control. What you are likely to find is that you will feel less afraid and feel more in control of achieving that which you have set out to achieve.
In support and admiration,
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