“How are people going to know about the dining table you want to sell if you don’t tell them?” my nine year-old daughter asked me the other day.
“I put ads up on the local chat list about it,”
“But not EVERYONE looks at the computer or at those lists. You should put flyers up and let as many people know about it as possible.”
Hmm. My daughter had an excellent point. Her perspective so simple, and yet so profound. After all, if I was really serious about selling that table, I would be getting the message out about it in as many ways as possible to as many relevant people or groups as I could.
This (I guess what one would call a) ‘marketing’ tool can be applied to many different facets of our lives, and very much applies to dating and relationships.
In fact, I find myself saying the same exact thing my daughter said to me about the dining table to those of my clients who are working towards finding the right ‘someone’ to build a relationship with. After my clients have done the important initial work of getting clear on who they are, what they value and what they want, the next natural step is to figure out the best way to get the ‘message’ out there to other people (and/or the Universe) that they are ready and that they are serious about looking for that right someone. Because how is anyone going to know that you are ready, unless you give them the clear message that you are?
Now let’s make this a bit more practical and break it down to a few steps you can apply to your approach to dating.
Step 1: Start with You. First get to know who you are, what you value, and what you are looking for in a relationship. Make a list of your qualities and the qualities you are looking for in a partner. More often, whether we realize it or not, we tend to focus on our accomplishments and the accomplishments of others. Focus instead on the inner qualities you have and you are looking for in a mate. You will have more success in building a relationship with someone that is right for you when you focus on qualities as opposed to accomplishments.
Step 2: Choose to be Open and Ready. Are you ready and open to getting into a relationship with someone? Often what is actually holding us back from meeting that right someone is not that that right someone is not ‘out there’ but rather that we have not made it clear to ourselves, to others, and to the Universe that we are ready for that relationship. So, look to yourself first and ask yourself these important questions. Once you have decided that you are ready and have put that energy out there, half of your work is already done!
Step 3: Choose Your Way and Your Approach to Getting the Word Out. Many people, websites, and magazine articles are full of suggestions and advice about the best way to get a date or to get into a relationship. If these don’t feel right for you, don’t do them. When you are forcing yourself into situations that are unnatural for you, you are also less likely to be yourself, or to be in situations where you will meet people who have similar interests and values to your own. Listen to your own voice and ask yourself what ‘way’ works best for you. Perhaps it’s telling your trusted friends. Perhaps shouting it from the rooftops is most natural for you. Maybe you feel most yourself and most comfortable meeting other people at events that you yourself enjoy attending.
Step 4: Express Yourself Clearly and Honestly. Whichever way you choose to go about meeting other people and / or getting the word out about your interest in finding the right partner to date or be in a relationship with, be clear and specific. (This last step is much easier once you’ve done Steps 1 and 2 above.) Often we take it for granted and assume that others know exactly what we want or what we are looking for. Surprisingly, this is often not the case. Most people think from their own perspective and personal scope, which is natural. If you want them to be aware of what you want, you have to be the one to tell them. And the more clear and specific you are, the more likely you will have success in finding that ‘right’ someone.
In support and admiration,
And P.S. We sold that table 🙂
If you are interested in learning more about how to move forward successfully in your life; be it in your career, or in dating and relationships, download my FREE Ebook: “5 Essential Steps to Gaining Confidence & Direction in Your 20′s (and Beyond.)”
Not Sure if 'Dating' or 'Marriage' is for You? Do Some Re-defining to Find Out for Sure. | Build Better Relationships
[…] With the simple, yet powerful, approach of coming up with her own definitions and interpretations, she freed herself, got herself unstuck and got the answers she was looking for. Did she want to get to know someone better and build a relationship with the right partner one day? Absolutely. But the only way she saw herself getting to that point successfully was by doing it her way. […]