Most people go about trying to find the right people to date or be in a relationship with by either going out to parties or social events, through online dating sites, or getting set up by others. But what happens when you actually are already doing all of these things, and yet, you still are not having any real success in meeting someone you really like or want to pursue a relationship with.
This can be extremely frustrating, because, after all, you are doing all of the ‘right’ things, and all of these things seem to be working for everyone else around you, so why not you?
Well, this might be the point at which you want to go ahead and blame yourself, because there must be something wrong with you, right?
Here’s another, much more plausible perspective.
Although doing all of the above might seem like the right way to go about meeting the right people to date or be in a relationship with they are also very general and non-specific. This approach to dating is what I call an ‘Outside-In’ Approach. It’s what everyone else might be doing OR what you think you should be doing OR what everyone else is telling you to do. This Outside-In Approach is clouding your inner voice. Approaching dating in this way is getting in the way of you being in touch with who you are and to what your unique approach to dating or meeting people you want to pursue a relationship with might be. And, therefore, getting in the way of you meeting the right people for you.
So, what’s the solution?
Do the opposite. Instead of applying this Outside-In Approach, approach dating from the Inside-Out. An Inside-Out Approach™ means going back to yourself and asking yourself specific questions about who you are, what dating means to you, what your values are, and to what qualities you are looking for in a partner and in a relationship.
With the Inside-Out Approach™ to dating you are more likely to have success meeting people you want to get to know better and/or pursue a relationship with and dating and meeting people will feel more fun and much less like a chore you have to do. It will also more likely lead you in the direction of you building a solid, healthy and successful relationship with that special someone.
Here are a few practical steps you can take, utilizing an Inside-Out Approach™ to dating to help you get on your way to meeting people you want to date.
Step 1: Get to know the real you. By the ‘real you’ I mean the qualities and values that make you who you are. These are the qualities that you were likely born with and express on a daily basis (whether you are aware of it or not.) Some of these qualities may include, being kind and considerate, passionate, hard-working, committed, open, easygoing, loyal and flexible. Sit down for about a half an hour and make a list of your qualities, those attributes that make you, you.
Next, make a list of your values. What values are important to you, especially when it comes to dating and relationships? These values may overlap with your qualities. For example, your values might include being respectful, believing that relationships take work and commitment, being loyal and honest in your relationships.
Step 2: Make a list of the qualities you are looking for in a partner. Now that you are more aware and clear of who you are, make a list of the qualities and values of the person you would like to be in a relationship with.
Step 3: Get out there and meet the right people. Once you are clear on both who you and who you are looking to date, get the message out there. This step can be done in numerous ways and here are a few examples of ways my clients have been successful in meeting the right people:
- Get the word out and share who (i.e. the qualities you are looking for in a partner) you would like to date, meet, or even marry, with at least three people you trust. Oftentimes we think that the people closest to us, like our friends or family, know exactly who we want to date. But even though you think they know, and they might even think they know, the reality is the more clear and specific you are with what you want and what (or, rather who) you are looking for, the more clear your friends and family will be too. And the clearer picture they have of what you want, the easier it will be for them to think of someone that is right for you.
- Go to venues you like to go to. Do the things that you like to do. Start with you and ask yourself what things you enjoy doing. Are you interested in volunteering? Do you enjoy hiking? Do you like listening to music and going to concerts? Think (or even make a list) of the things you enjoy doing based on who you are and what your values are. Once you are clear on these things, go out and do them. You are more likely to meet the right people when you yourself are doing things you enjoy doing. In these situations you are also more likely to be yourself and let your true self shine. You will feel more comfortable with yourself and, therefore, be more comfortable expressing your true self to others, as well. In these venues you are also more likely to meet other people who share your interests and values. Being your real self is always more likely to bring the right opportunities your way.
If you have any questions or comments, or want to know more about how to apply the Inside-Out Approach™ to dating and relationships, comment below or contact me anytime. I am happy to chat with you by email or during a complimentary consultation.
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Have a great week!
In support and admiration,