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Last month I wrote about how to get what you want in life, love, and work. In this post, inspired by the holiday season upon us, I will focus on how to ask for what you want and require, so that you, too, can experience fulfillment in your life, career, and relationships.
There are a few steps we are all required to take in order to get to the point where we are able to ask for what it is that we want and require in life, love, and work. These steps include first getting super clear on what is important to you and then knowing how to ask for what you want and require in an effective way.
Step 1: Get Clear on What You Want and Require
Although you might be feeling frustrated or unsatisfied in your life career, or relationship, you still may not know exactly what it is that you are missing or feeling frustrated about. For example, you might be aware that you want something to change about your job or career, so you might be experiencing boredom, frustration, and even anxiety, but you might not be fully aware why you are feeling this way, and therefore feel stuck in finding a solution to help you get out of your funk.
Here is one resource to help you get to know yourself and your needs a bit better so that you can also become more aware of why you might be feeling down, frustrated, or stressed in your life, career, or relationships.
Your Five Psychological Needs
William Glasser, the author of Choice Theory, shares the idea that humans have five psychological needs. These needs are: Fun/Learning, Love/Belonging, Freedom, Survival, and Power. Each of us have a higher need for one or two of the above need categories. Knowing what needs are most relevant and valuable to you will help you understand why you might be feeling frustrated or unsatisfied in your life, career, and/or relationships.
For example, if you have a high need for Freedom and you are in a job that is located in a physically closed space or does not give you the freedom to be creative, you will very likely feel frustrated and unsatisfied. The same can apply to your relationships.
I encourage you to learn more about the Five Psychological Needs, in general, (as one way to help you get clearer on who you are what your needs are) and rate your needs. Once you get clearer on that, you will be in a better position to ask for what you require, which brings us to Step 2.
Step 2: Ask for It.
Asking for what you require might feel a bit more challenging and vulnerable to you than getting clear on what you want. If this is the case for you, allow me to assure you that you (just as every individual) has a right to ask for and get what you require (especially if that is what will bring you satisfaction and fulfillment in your life, leading you to more success and productivity.) It is also important to keep in mind that you do not have control over how another person responds to your request and, therefore, do not let what the other person might do, think, or say impact what you say, either. With these two points in mind, there are some things that youcan do, that are in your control that will make your asking and your request have a better chance at being heard.
1. Speak from your perspective. Instead of telling the other person what you think they should be doing, tell them what you feel, want, and require. Let them know what is good for you and why.
2. Start your request by saying “My request is that you _______________.” Do not demand, simply ask, knowing that the answer might very well be no. Being open to a “yes” or a “no” answer to your request will allow you to let go of control. This will make it easier for you to say what is real for you and make it more likely for you to be heard.
3. Be specific. The more specific you are about what you require and what it is the person can do to help you fulfill your needs and requests, the better. Specifics give you and the person you are making the request of clarity and direction, which makes the follow-through more likely.
4. Take personal responsibility. I talk about this a lot, as it applies to everything we do. Ultimately you, not anyone else, is responsible for helping you get what you want and require. Get clear on your needs and create situations to make that happen.
Many people are either confused or unclear about what they want or do not have the courage to go out and ask for it. I applaud you for making the effort. Please be in touch to let me know how it is going for you, or if you require any more support around getting clear on what you want and require and / or asking for it.
Send me an email with your question, or schedule your complimentary 45 minute consultation. You can find my direct contact information here, or contact me using the form below.
In support and admiration,