“Why did I do that?!”
“Why have I not figured this out already?!”
“Why did that happen to me?!”
“Why were my parents not there for me in the way I needed them to be?!”
“Why do I keep making these mistakes?!”
“Why am I such a(n) (fill in the blank)?!”
Where do these “Why?” questions get you?
Are they helping you to move forward? Does asking “Why?” help you accomplish your goals?
I am going to guess that they do not.
Where asking “Why?” questions might help you to better understand yourself or an experience that you had, “Why?” questions are less helpful for getting you to move forward and accomplish your life, career, or relationship goals.
“Why?” questions tend to put us on the defensive. They make us feel like we have done or are doing something wrong. This leads to self-blame and self-doubt; i.e. a recipe for keeping you stuck and in a rut.
Instead of asking yourself “Why?”, do this:
- Accept what is. Instead of thinking about or questioning why something happened to you or why you made that mistake or why you have not figured out what you think you should have figured out ages ago(!)…(insert deep breath here)…accept it. Accept that those things happened. Accept that you made a mistake. Accept that you have not figured it out yet. It’s over. It’s done. There is nothing you can do about it, except for accepting it and moving on. (Aren’t you feeling calmer already?)
- Ask “What Now?” Once you have accepted what is (without the guilt, judgment and blame), ask yourself what you will do now. Think about what your ultimate goals are; about what you want, and start making a plan with the steps you will take to get there. This is what is in your control: what you want and the steps that you take to get there.
- Be a learner (not a judger.) Keep asking yourself open-ended questions like “What am I learning about myself, others, or in general?”, “How is this helpful to me or others?”, “What are the best steps for me to take moving forward based on what it is that I (or we, if I am part of team or relationship) want?” It is these learning type questions that will break you out of the cycle of self-blame and non-movement, and get you on the path to moving, building, growing, and creating the greatness that you want for yourself and are capable of.
In support and admiration,
Dedicated to empowering you with the tools to thrive in life, love, and work. Learn more here.