You met a person you like and even managed to strike up a great conversation. You ask this person to hang out sometime and they agree. You hang out and seem to enjoy each other’s company and agree to hang out some more. Hanging out turns into speaking a few times a week by phone and meeting up regularly on weekends. You have both decided that you enjoy spending time together and have gotten to the point where you would like to take ‘this relationship’ to the ‘next level.’ This ‘next level’ is going beyond the friendly dating stage and into the more intimate stage you would like to take this relationship to. “Yes, that’s what I want. But, how do I do that?!’ you might be wondering.
Here are a few practical steps you can take to take your relationship to the next level you wish to take it.
Step 1: Define what that ‘next level’ means to you.
As I advocate in many of my articles and in my approach, in general, always start with you first. Ask yourself what it would mean for you to feel closer to this person. Describe what you would be doing with this person that you are not doing right now. For example, you might decide that at this ‘next level’ with this person you would each be sharing feelings, thoughts, or experiences that are really important to you both. Until now, it has been fun hanging out and getting to know each other on a surface level and you now want to see if you can connect more deeply. This, to you, might be how you would describe this ‘next level’ you would like to see your relationship move into.
Step 2: Recognize what is in your control.
Sure, it would be nice if your partner could read your mind, know exactly what you are thinking and what you want, and then do everything you are hoping for when it comes to taking your relationship to the next level. Unfortunately relationships do not build this way (no matter how hard Hollywood movies would like us to believe so.) Our relationships do not just build on their own. Whether we realize it or not, we are constantly making choices and doing or saying things that bring our partners closer to us or push them farther away from us. If we want to create any change in our relationships, it is up to us to take responsibility, be proactive, and do whatever it is that is in our control to make things happen. This is what it means to ‘BE the change we wish to see’ (Ghandi.) Waiting for something to happen or for your partner to make the move to take your relationship to the next level is likely to leave you feeling anxious and perhaps even stressed. In order to avoid these feelings, which will likely strain rather than bring your relationship to the next level, let go of what is not in your control (your partner, what he/she does, and what he/she feels) and focus on what IS in YOUR control and on what you can and are willing to do.
Step 3: Take Action
Now that you have recognized what is in your control (and let go of what is not in your control), it’s time to get proactive and take action. If you would like to see/experience deeper connection, you will have to BE that person who is creating a space for deeper, more intimate connection. If you would like your partner to open up, open yourself up first. When the time feels right, jump in and share YOUR feelings, thoughts, and ideas about what is important to you. Think of ways that will create a space for sharing more intimate feelings, connection, and experiences. Some things that are likely to create this space is creating an environment of Respect in your relationship [to read more about how to create relationships based on real respect, click here.] You can also learn and practice how to be a really great listener [for more on how to become a great listener, click here.]
If you have any more questions or comments about all things related to creating and building healthy, happy, and successful relationships, leave your comment below, or send me a private email or Facebook message.
If you want to learn more tools to help you navigate your life and your future career or relationship choices with success, download my Ebook: ‘5 Essential Steps for Gaining Confidence & Direction.’ It’s FREE and in it you will find my top five tools for moving forward in our lives with confidence and clarity.
In support and admiration,