You Want to Be in a Relationship. Now What? 3 Steps to Knowing What to Look for in a Potential Partner

hearts in sand

You are ready to be in a relationship.  You want to experience being loved, sharing your experiences, and being intimate and close with that special someone.  But even though you are sure this is what you want, you are not sure WHAT you are looking for in a potential partner.  If this sounds like you, read on to find out what you can do to figure out what you are looking for in a potential partner and get the relationship you want.


Step 1:  Start with Your Relationship Vision.  Ask yourself what you want your ideal relationship to look like.  Think about who you want to be in the relationship, what types of things you want to be doing with your partner, and what your dynamic is.  Even if you do not have someone specific in mind for this vision (and it’s probably better if you don’t so that you can think more clearly), think about and envision what your ideal relationship looks like.  Then write it down (or even draw a picture of it.)  You can even give your relationship vision a name and define it for yourself so that you can make sure it is unique to you and what you want, and not based on what others tell you or what you think it should be.


Step 2:  Get Clear on What Your Values Are.  Once you have a clearer vision of what your ideal relationship looks like, read it over to learn what it is that you value.  For example, if your vision includes you and your partner talking to each other without looking at your phones, then you might value quality time and being present.  If your vision includes you both making the time to spend time with other important people in your lives respectively, you might value freedom and respect.  The reason it is important to understand and be more aware of what your values are is that knowing this will also help you become more aware of what values you are looking for in a partner.  You are likely to have more success creating the relationship that you want with a partner who shares the same or similar values that you have.


Step 3:  Think Qualities (NOT Accomplishments). Instead of focusing on all the things you imagine your ideal partner to look like or to be doing in his or her life, go deeper and focus on what QUALITIES you are looking for in a partner.  Similar to values, qualities are what defines WHO we are.  Often people make the mistake of only focusing on what they would like their ideal partners to be doing or be involved in.  Focusing on these ‘outside’ accomplishments can distract you (and even guide you away) from a partner that can be an amazing person for you to be in a relationship with.

For example, when I was dating my now husband, I always started to doubt our relationship when I was focusing on things like whether or not we liked the same music, movies, or style.  Every time I took what I now call an “Outside-In Approach” to my relationship, I always got tripped-up and scared off. [Click here to read more about how taking an “Inside-Out Approach” can help you make better life, career, and relationship choices with ease, clarity, and confidence.] But when I refocused on what really mattered to me and the qualities that I was looking for, I felt relaxed in our relationship, as it was so clear to me that he had all the qualities that were important to me in a partner.

Sometimes it is easy to get confused, especially when on the outside it seems that a particular person might be the perfect fit for us.  We can make this person out to be the ideal and then potentially get very disappointed in the end, when we find out that they actually do not share the same values we have or the qualities we are looking for. [Click here to read a bit more about my experience with that.]


Now that you are ready to be in a relationship, utilizing the above three steps are likely to bring you success in finding and building the relationship that you want.


Please be in touch with me anytime if you have any questions or want any clarification about any of the above steps.  You can contact me here, or simply send me an email directly to:

Please also share and pass along this post to anyone you think might appreciate and benefit from it.


In support and admiration,

~ Jenny

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