“If only I had a better roommate…”
“If only I had a better job…”
“If only I had more money…”
“If only I had better parents…”
“If only none of those terrible things never happened to me…”
“If only I had a girlfriend/boyfriend…”
“If only I had a better group of friends…”
…Then my life would be so much better!
Now, maybe it’s true that your life would be better if you had a better job, had more money, had better parents, nothing terrible ever happened to you, and you had a boy/girlfriend, and better friends. Who knows? But what I do know is that thinking in this “If only” kind of way could lead to more harm than good for you.
It is easy to focus on all of the things that you are lacking and that you think are wrong in your life. Thinking about what you wish you could or should be/have been will keep you stuck in the land of complain and blame and the cycle of not getting anywhere you really want to get to in your life.
Instead of thinking about what you wish you could have or should have been (which keeps you stuck in the past), start being the creator of your life and what you want to see happening. Use the information you are learning about what it is you wish were different and transfer it into something that you can actually do something about.
Let’s illustrate this new approach of ‘creating’ with the examples above:
Complain/Blame approach: “If only I had a better roommate…”
Creator approach: “What kind of apartment experience do I want to have? What is in my control and what will I do to create that?”
Complain/Blame approach: “If only I had a better job…”
Creator approach: “What kind of job do I want to have? What do I want to be doing? How can I go about making that happen?”
Complain/Blame approach: “If only I had more money…”
Creator approach: “What are the things that bring me true fulfillment? How much money do I require/want to live the life that I want? What will I do to bring that money into my life?”
Complain/Blame approach: “If only those terrible things never happened to me…”
Creator approach: “Yep, those terrible things happened to me? But those things do not define me. I am the creator of my story. This is the life that I want and envision for myself. This is how I create it: _________.”
You probably get the idea by now.
Be in touch with any questions or comments. You can reach me anytime in the comments below or by email at Jenny@unleashingu.com.
Wishing you an incredible week; a week of creating that which you want to see happening in your life.
In support and admiration,