“Every time you say yes to something you are saying no to something else,” I reminded one of my clients recently. In my meeting with this client, he mentioned how down and stuck he had been feeling for the last year or so. In our discussion it became clear that this ‘down and out’ feeling started when he ‘took a break’ from following his own voice and life path to help someone in need. This ‘helping’ ended up becoming a full-time job, which resulted in him putting himself and his life, studies, and career on hold. This resulted in him feeling disconnected from himself, doubting himself, and having a very hard time getting back into the driver’s seat of his life.
As I mentioned last week when I shared some tips and tools to help you stop letting yourself down, what we might be taking for granted is that we are not only in relationships with other people, we are also in a relationship with ourselves. We must also, then, take into account what the impact of a consistent saying ‘no’ to ourselves has on us. With this in mind, I pointed out to my client that he may have been ‘saying no’ to himself for way too long, which is likely why he had been feeling the way that he has. My client agreed and asked me a fantastic question in response to my thought. He asked, “how do you balance saying yes to yourself and saying yes to others?” He pointed out that he cared a lot about the people he chose to help, even though he recognizes that this saying ‘yes’ was at the expense of him saying no to himself.
I acknowledged his excellent question and reasoning and left him with the following thought: Successful relationships are absolutely built on giving, and the healthiest way that we are able to be great givers in our relationships is by having a healthy foundation ourselves. We build that healthy foundation by first giving to ourselves. This giving to ourselves requires us to have a good understanding of who we are and what our needs are. We are required to know what our purpose, goals, and dreams are and take responsibility for pursuing them. When we ourselves are standing on solid ground, we can then be the healthy and responsible givers that allow us to build healthy and strong relationships that we can say yes to, as well. [Click here to read more about what it means to say yes to your relationship.] Yes, it is a balance, and that balance must begin with you.
This is a deep concept. I welcome your questions and comments. You can comment below or send me a private message here.
In support and admiration and in awe of all that you are,